faith.

life has been challenging these past few months. i'm not sure if i am on the "other side" yet. i mean i know what Gods word says, i know what i am "supposed" to do {i think} but it is one thing to know and one thing to do. i know there is a lesson in the midst of all of this craziness and i am sure it will a big one. i am trying to sort out so many feelings and emotions. i am still having a hard time with the miscarriage last november. although it is more of a bruise now instead of an open wound, it still hurts. i am struggeling to come to a place of not needing to ask God why. i am looking for that place of acceptance. i am trying to trust in Gods perfect timing. i am trying to have faith, faith that grows with the start of each new day.

these are some truths that i cling to these days:

oh the depths of the riches both of the wisdo and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and His ways past finding out. -romans 11:33 I take this to mean, i will never know why. this requires unwavering faith my friends.

He has made everything beautiful in His time. -ecclesiastes 3:11 my timetable is not Gods, Gods is better.

and we know that all things work together for good to those who love God. -romas 8:28 that's me!

for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure. -phil 2:13 God does things or will use things that happen as a result of this sinful, fallen world that life in to bring Him glory, not me.

as if the miscarriage wasn't enough it acted as a trigger for my arthritis to flare up. really, really bad. i felt kind of like i got kicked when i was already down. it was a painful blow. honestly i felt a little betrayed by God. (please don't judge me, i am just being honest!) it was so bad i couldn't walk at times, i ended up being in a boot for most of december and january. preston was so sweet and brought me my boot each morning:) and then dave got sent out of town (i never mentioned this before because i didn't want to advertise that i was alone on the internet!) for a 6 weeks to randle, wa. this was a hard time. does this sound like a country song yet?  ;)

well things are looking up now, my arthrits is under control  for now, thanks to multiple shots in my foot. dave is back to working in town. i am just left to sort through all of this. i am sure that in 6 months or so i will be able to look back and hopefully see how my faith has grown. i may not see it now though, i think i am still too close.

time is a good thing. times eases pain. time makes the hurt fade. i used to want this hurt to go completely away but i am starting to think that maybe that wouldn't be such a good thing. we all have bruises unseen by the human eye. but you can look at them in two ways. you can think of them as ugly blemishes and try to cover them up, or you can look at them and be reminded of grace. faith. love. mercy. Gods goodness. and his perfect timing.