Something that has been on my heart and I want to share is the topic of not being pregnant. Maybe some of you have been wondering what's going on in that area of our life-or maybe not. Either way, it is something that I do think a lot about:)
We are still trying-with no luck at this point. BUT wait, I am not discouraged! This is not a negative thing, although it can be frustrating at times.
This is what I've been thinking about.
This is my journal entry from yesterday, May 6 2010.
I've been thinking a lot about my miscarriage lately and how we have not been able to get pregnant as quickly as we had hoped. I have been thinking how God is using or is going to use these circumstances in my life. Whether this is something that is a result of living in a fallen world or something that God has specifically planned for me, I don't know. But I do know that God promises to work for the good of those who love Him. That would be me. So I've been looking for the good, instead of focusing on the bad. Focusing on God instead of the frustration. Looking to God for his perfect timing instead of making my own plans on my timeline.
The first thing I have learned is this: Never say never. I don't think that I am immune to certain situations. I never thought that having 2 miscarriages, and struggling to great pregnant would be an issue in my life. In a broader aspect other than pregnancy-I think the same thing. I don't think that my marriage is immune to sin, or that my child is immune to sickness. In a sense I don't live with my head buried in the sand. What do I do? I pray. I pray that God would protect my marriage, keep our love for each other alive and burning strong. I pray for health for our family. I pray that we would be strong when faced with temptation. I never say, "this will never happen to me" or "this will never be an issue in my life!"
Secondly, I have learned a lot about comfort. Giving and receiving. 2 Corinthians chapter 1 talks about suffering and that through suffering we receive Gods comfort so in turn we can give comfort to others who are suffering. Since I've had my miscarriage I have known of 2 other women who also had a miscarriage-whether it's sending a note or an email I have been able to let them know that they are not alone and extend genuine, heartfelt, sympathy. Whether it brought any comfort I don't know.
Third, Dave and I got to be loved on by our growth group at church. What an amazing gift it was! We were absolutely stunned that people would be so generous. Some of them we didn't even know that well!
Fourth, I get to have extra time alone with Preston. I LOVE this! I treasure this time that I have with just him. I marvel at his cuteness, his sticky peanutbuttery fingers, his pudginess, his sense of humor, how he thinks he outsmarts me! I get to focus so much of what I have on him and him alone.
So this is where I am. God truly can be found in sadness, frustration, pain, etc. After all God is near to those who have a broken heart. It is through this hard time that I lean on Him. I am closer to Him because of it.
So just in case you were wondering where we were in this journey of ours, now you know. And if you weren't then your just got an earful;)
I think one way we can follow the "encourage mandate" found in Hebrews 3:13 to encourage one another daily, is to share how God can be seen in our circumstances, whether good or bad. I hope that in some small way you have been encouraged!